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Bear Stew #5
Tasty Manbytes Served Steaming Hot by Ron Suresha
In the Life, public TV's monthly les-bi-gay show
(http://www.inthelifetv.org), examined bear culture in a
light-and-breezy 8-minute segment aired March. The segment
"Bear to Be Beautiful," "Basically is Bears 101 for the
un-bear-aware crowd," stated Carlos Abreu, publicity-bear
for MetroBears NY (whose delectable naked bod has graced
this publication's pages). The overview explained the subtle
differences between bears, cubs, otters, etc., and defined
other bearspeak ("husbear," "bear-be-cue," "Woof!"). East
Coast interviewees included Carlos, Mark Kane, Ryan Reins
(yet another recent AmBear stud), and Les Wright; in SF,
Bears of San Francisco (BOSF) president Mark Katzenberger,
Lone Star bartender Dan Newnham, and Phil Harper commented
onscreen. The segment also compiled footage of "background
bears shot at the Dugout and Bear Cafe (at the LGBT Center)
here in NYC. . . . one panning shot of guys around a pool
at Lazy Bear and at a theme park. A little segment from
The Simpsons with gay boys passing by in a trolley asking
Whelan, a gay character, "Who's the Bear? Woof!" about Homer.
Lots of flashes between waxed-and-plucked crowd magazine skin
shots and American Bear covers. A little silly music. All in
all, a light, fun, and airy piece." Now, aside from the fact
that it's long overdue, that's the kind of programming that
I've been waiting for. Kudos to everyone in the ITL segment!
Speaking of boob-tubesteaks, while hanging out with my straight
bear pal Meir last year in Jerusalem, we were watching Israeli
network TV at his mom's apartment. My Hebrew is a little rusty,
but I could follow along well enough with Arabic subtitles.
Actually, I don't read Arabic either, so I was half asleep. I
could make out it was a forensic detective show. But when I
spied a tall, dark, goateed, muscle-leather wolf, looking
entirely like AmBear centerfold material, oy! did I ever perk
up! Imagine my howling delight when ten minutes into this show,
which I dubbed CSI - Tel Aviv, this glorious hairy specimen rode
up on his chopper in slick European black leather. He whipped
off his shades, flashing brilliant dark eyes, and chatted
briefly with his detective costar (one tough-looking Sabra
woman herself). Then, with his leather jacket open to expose
his well-built furry chest, Inspector Dov ('bear" in Hebrew)
turns to their cute male sidekick, a younger, eager-eyed cop-cub.
The older man barked a provocative "Vuf!" to the cub, who winked
and trotted off, presumably to do something useful until the
leatherbear could give him an in-depth forensic examination.
The female dick (so to speak) raised an eyebrow, teasing the
older studwolf about mixing pleasure with official duties. He
replied, in a deep, steel-tinged voice, "A kitten never
stands between two wolves." Idiomatically, I think that
meant, "Just let Daddy take care of the cub, mamabear."
My hairy jaw dropped, but Meir confirmed that we had just seen
an Israeli bear cruising another guy on prime-time TV. Why
don't we get good stuff like that with Cox Cable or Viacom?
Arriving February on the big screen - at least to theaters
in Spain - was a feature film written and directed by Miguel
Albaladejo, entitled "Cachorro" ("Cub"). My Spanish is a little
rusty (are you noticing a trend?), but here's a rough synopsis:
José Luis Garcia plays Pedro,
a woofy, unattached gay dentist.
Pedro's penchant to party hearty with his den of grrrfriends is
interrupted when his sister convinces him to nephew-sit
11-year-old Bernardine, whom Pedro barely knows, for fifteen days.
Pedro tries to obscure his wild-and-crazy-and-hairy-guy
lifestyle but, as we all know, it ain't easy being sleazy:
the film opens with Pedro in an explicit sex scene. "My intention
was that the audience understand fully the collision of the
protagonist with the boy," stated the director. According to
Gorkabear, Bearcalona club spokesbear, the 100-minute-long
cinematic tragicomedia was shot in Madrid employing a number
of well-known local bears.
Correction to Bear Stew #3: woofy filmmaker Martin Borden should
have been listed as collaborator with Clark Nikolai for the
Vancouver-produced short film, "Men on Fur on Men." My Canadian
is a little rusty but, according to Martin, the film screened
in the Melbourne International Queer and the Denver International
GLBT filmfests, and was shown to an enthusiastic crowd at
the February Paws for Words, BOSF's lit-arts cultural event
during Int'l Bear Rendezvous.
And at long last, bear marriage. The cover art for the March 15th
issue of The New Yorker features an illustration entitled
"Dress Reversal" by Mark Ulriksen. In two adjoining mirrors,
two attractive betrotheds are trying on identical wedding gowns.
On the right stands a young female, the traditional blushing
bride. On the left, a definitely bearish male, sporting a
trim van Dyke and curly brown chest hair, gazes at his own
seductive image in the mirror. The woman is astonished not
at her own gorgeous reflection - but that of the other, hirsute, bride-to-be.
Until next time, grrrfolks!
This column first appeared in American Bear magazine #61, June/July 2004.
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