, Ron's Bear Stew Column: #8
 

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Bear Stew #8
Tasty Manbytes Served Steaming Hot
by Ron Suresha

With our baseball caps off, we note the three-year anniversary of September 11, in honor of our SF hero, rugger, and bearlover Mark Bingham, whose story was told in Jon Barrett's excellent biography, The Hero of Flight 93, which you can order through www.markbingham.org.

Topping my, um, reading pile these days is the (s)lavishly illustrated coffeetable volume, International Mr. Leather: 25 Years of Champions, compiled by esteemed leatherman Joseph Bean, for the IML organization and the Leather Archives & Museum in Chicago. Hose me down, men - this book packs more than manheat than a solar flare in a dungeon. Whether you're into leather life, or just like to read about gay/bi/queer male subcultural history, or looking for incredible jackoff material, this 200+ page book will capture your imagination and lay out a chronology of organized leather contests, exposing a sometimes hidden, always out/rageous history: get it at www.leatherarchives.org.

Clearly, gay/bi bears are the Next Big Thang in cinema. The September theatrical premiere of the new John Waters movie, A Dirty Shame, features a scene with a number of AmaBear DC-Baltimore bearpals. In fact, Waters, gay filmmaker of Hairspray and Pink Flamingoes, chatted enthusiastically about bear subculture on Air America Radio's "Unfiltered" show, even mentioning The Bear Handbook, cubs, and otters. With the iconic Waters wagging his tongue like that, we can be sure that the topic of ursine masculinity will be hot chat this year. As reported in Bear Stew #5, the Spanish movie Cachorro (Bear Cub) also is in selected theatres nationwide, and available early next year from TLA on DVD. Also of note is a forthcoming feature-length flick, Angora Ranch, which Austin filmmakers Tim Jones and Paul Bright shot this spring. Personally, I can't wait to see the action figures.

On the Sept. 14th "Tough Crowd," Comedy Central's late-night political yak-fest, "Kids in the Hall" comic Scott Thompson again declared his preference for hairy guys. I met Scott and his bearish manager four years ago in Boston - he jokingly claims to have invented bears. Each of the "Tough Crowd" panel of pun-dits was assigned a popular magazine to review. Scott, clutching a copy of the glossy pop-cultic pro-wrestling mag, WWE Smackdown, enthused over the musclebound god bods but complained, "I don't like that they all shave their bodies. I like the hairy guys - you know, I really like the bears," he said, rolling a flirtatious eye toward Colin. "I even like some women, you know, with mustaches." Sure ya do, Scott. Colin Quinn, former SNLer and not shy to flash his chestfur, recently use the word "homoerotic" no less than ten times in one show - suppose he's trying to tell us something about himself? Also regularly appearing on Tough Crowd is the bearish and bear-friendly comic Dave Atell: recent Insomniac segments featured a gay foot-fetish club, and a big hairy shaved-head guy with a bear-paw tattoo who grabbed Dave and proclaimed his dream of being on Dave's show fulfilled. The shaved-head burly guy called Dave "handsome," pulled him into a hug and pawed him all over, to which Dave cowered and yalped, "Now it starts becoming a prison film!" Quelle suprise. Comedy Central is so freaky-ass gay already - how many of you now regularly choke the chicken watching Larry the Cable Guy on "Blue Collar TV," hmmm?

When I squealed on the phone to my old bearpal, Dan Jaffe, author of the bearish novel The Limits of Pleasure, that my Utilikilt had just arrived by UPS, he quipped, "Oh, aren't we trendy!" Truthfully, I wanted to get one when I saw BOSF's Jeff Glover's kilt five years ago. I'm no stranger to a dress, myself: I wore a lungi when I traveled in India in the early eighties; I've also been known to don a dancing skirt when balance-and-swinging other similarly dressed bears at GLBTQ contra or international folk dances. But a recent photo fashion spread in the September issue of queer UK mag Blue asks, "Are You Man Enough to Wear a Skirt?" features macho dudes in fancy threads without pantlegs. Too late to order for the holidays, but why not git yerself one when the warm weather returns? . Tell 'em SpunkDaddy sent ya.

The metrosexual mag Details feature, "Gay or _______?" has been running an excellently done send-up of the confusion we often face when trying to figure out on which side another dude dresses: does it hang down to the straight side, the gay side, or somewhere bi-tween the two? The best so far is "Gay or Trucker," featuring one hot bearstud: "One gets paid to cruise; the other does it for fun. But when it comes down to it, both are masters of the big rig." Sadly, Advocate's totally clueless send-up of the Details feature, "Bear or straight?" was stupidly conceived and executed: "Shades: These bug-eyed numbers don't really flatter anyone besides NASCAR's Jeff Gordon, yet their awfulness somehow adds to the manly allure of this look." Note to Advocate: Skip the stereotyping satire of subcultures or masculinities you don't get, alright? We'd all appreciate it.

This column, Bear Stew #8, first appeared in American Bear magazine #63, Dec 2004/Jan 2005.

Copyright © 2004 by Ron Suresha. All rights reserved.

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